Yummy (and a few not so yummy) things I’ve eaten recently

Heyyyyy y’all. This post is basically meant to serve as proof I still exist. Here I am guys! Your long lost pal!

Honestly, we’re in week 7 of Ironman training, and most mornings by the time we’re done with our workouts I barely have time to eat breakfast and take a dump (and overzealously post about two of those three things on my Insta story – sorry not sorry, just be happy I spare you the third).

Anyway, the best part of training is replacing the calories, so I figure I should share with you some of the awesome ways I’ve been doing that.

The Hits:

What the heck is that? Unsweetened Organic Açaí Purée Packets (I don’t know if these are new to our TJs, or if I just noticed them post-Brazil!) blended with banana and topped with chia seeds, flax seeds, shredded coconut, Know Foods paleo cereal and honey.

I gotta have it! Well good news: you can! Just follow this recipe. My only tweaks were using cauliflower rice for the base and “grilling” the plantains and pineapple in a skillet – because firing up the grill is a lot of work.

Gimmie the deets! You’re lookin’ at a Trader Joe’s cauliflower pizza crust topped with tomato, basil, mozzarella and prosciutto. Although the crust takes a long time to cook and ended up crispy in places and not so crispy in others, Courtney and I were both huge fans. The two of us polished off a pizza in one night, no problem – but that’s no biggie. At only $3.99, it’s similar cost wise to making a cauliflower pizza crust from scratch, and at 80 calories for 1/6 of the pie NBD if you and the hubs eat the whole thing. It’s sturdier than my recipe because it contains potato starch and corn flour (mine is grain free), but it’s dairy free (until you smother it with cheese). We’ll definitely buy it again – in fact, I’m considering a BBQ chicken version next week!

Is that as good as it looks? YUP! I used this recipe, but with Know Foods pasta twirls. They’re made with chickpea flour, so they’re gluten free (which I’m not), and contain 28g protein and 14g fiber per cup! I used the Pinch of Yum recipe, but only used about 1 cup chicken broth and 1 cup tomatoes, and supplemented with an open can of tomato sauce I had from the pizza. I also cooked the shrimp in 2 Tbsp butter rather than adding butter to the sauce later on – overall, this cut down on the butter and oil quite a bit. Best part? This was easy enough to make that the above was accomplished while pretty tipsy off one beer from happy hour (I don’t wanna talk about it).

Overheard in the art museum: it’s colorful… but what is it? Roasted Chicken, Butternut Squash and Guacamole Rice Bowls. I had like a bazillion butternut squashes to use, so this was an obvious choice. My only tweaks were that I used cauliflower rice as the base, and made my own “guacamole” (I think I mashed avocado, garlic, cumin, lime juice and salt?). This felt healthy, tasted amazing, and made for awesome leftovers! Do itttttt.

Is there anything that has to do with the White House that isn’t a giant dumpster fire? Yup: the Thursday farmers market! Although let’s be clear that it has literally nothing to do with the White House other than its physical proximity. We all know Dear Leader lives on cheese burgers. In fact, I think he originally threw his name in the hat because the thought of ripping Michelle’s fresh fruits and veggies from the ground with his own precious, tiny hands brought almost as much pleasure as Stormy. Well, that just took a turn eh? Erm, visit the Farmer’s Market!

And now for a little food porn. I don’t give a rats ass if you don’t like the term food porn. This is food porn, the world is round. We’re done here.

The Misses:

What gives? It’s hard to find a plant-based yogurt with a decent amount of protein (or any nutritional value, for that matter!) so I really wanted to like this. Unfortunately it was nasty AF. The texture would best be described as “grainy” and the flavor wasn’t much better.

But that sounds delicious! I thought so too – I was totally drooling with anticipation a week in advance. And I think these have potential. Our issue was that our plantains were too ripe, so they were almost like candy. Delicious as dessert, but not so much with the rest of the ingredients here. Also, I was still kinda hungry – but that might be a me problem.

If you don’t like that it’s on you bro. Totes right you are. It goes back to Superbowl 2015 when I gave everyone food poisoning. Although the buffalo cauliflower wasn’t to blame, it totally ruined it for me. And naturally when there’s something you know you don’t like, you should make it two weeks in a row – right? Honestly, I thought maybe this recipe would redeem it for me – and it did for a couple of days! But then on the third day, I was out of avocado, added too much of the cauliflower, and quite literally had to gag it down for lunch. The ranch is awesome though! I love the concept of making ranch dressing with silken tofu – instead of being a pure empty-calorie fat bomb, it’s actually packed with protein!

Johanna