I Can’t Be Here Now

This dawned on me in yoga class this morning.

I went thinking it would be a great way to stretch out some very tight post-long-run muscles.  And because Chantelle teaches on Mondays, and Chantelle is my favorite.  Her classes begin with an inspirational message, something to think about throughout your practice, and end with lavender oil.  I love lavender oil, and inspirational messages aren’t so bad.

Well this morning’s message was simple: Be here now.  Yet it has stuck with me beyond my practice (a generous term for what I do on a yoga mat).   Be here now.  Do not let anything that has happened outside of this room occupy your mind.  What happened over the weekend is in the past.  It only exists in your memory.  What will happen when you get to work doesn’t exist.  It hasn’t happened yet.  Leave those things outside the door and be here now.

I’ll go ahead and admit that I’m not much of a yogi.  I lack balance, flexibility and a $1,000 wardrobe from Lululemon.  But if I put my mind to it, I’m quite certain I could master a head stand.  Or even that Herculean pose where you balance on your hands with both legs straight out, sandwiching your arm.  Yet I’m quite sure that no matter how much time I spend on a mat in stretch pants I will never be able to be here now.

It’s not for lack of trying.  I always do my best to focus on my breathing and the movements and the purpose driving my practice.  But before I know it I’m making mental lists: groceries, incomplete chores, who to send a Christmas card.  I bring myself back only to find my mind wandering again, this time to the menu for tonight’s dinner, my next blog post, or that stupid thing I really shouldn’t have said the day before.  This is not an issue that is unique to the yoga mat. I simple don’t know how to live only in the moment.  No matter what I do, I can’t be here now.

Johanna