A Quick Etiquette Rant: the Responsibility to RSVP

When I started wedding planning, I never considered myself one to care about or abide by etiquette.  That was until we sent out the invitations.  For those of you who’ve been married, you know a lot of work goes into the invitations: creating a guest list, designing, stuffing, addressing, adding return addresses, sealing, stamping.  It’s enough to give you carpal tunnel and a migraine, and it sure as hell ain’t cheap!  So my anger at the folks who didn’t return the pretty little card asking if they would like fish, pork or the vegetarian option seemed completely justified.  I put a freakin’ stamp on it for you.  A cute, themed vintage stamp.  All you have to do is check a box and drop it in a mailbox. Don’t make me track your ass down when I have a million other things on my plate.  But I talked myself down off the cliff, trying to remind myself what all brides-to-be really must remember: just because your entire life revolves around this event doesn’t mean that everyone elses does; they still have work and school and kids and troubles.

But here’s the thing: the wedding came and went and my thoughts on the matter have not changed.  The responsibility to RSVP goes beyond weddings.  If you received an invitation to something, be it big or small, someone has put time into creating a guest list, designing that invitation and planning that event.  They have decided, for whatever reason, that you are one of a select number of people they want to invite. If it says “please RSVP,” it’s for a reason: the number of people attending will affect how much of various things they need to buy or make.  The least you can do is oblige this simple request: check “yes” “no” or “maybe.”  It’s common courtesy.  And most of the time these days you can do it without leaving the comfort of your swirly computer chair.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you have to “reply all” to every mass e-mail that says “anyone interested in…”  Or that you have to select whether you will attend every Facebook event.  And unless it’s a formal event like a wedding, I’m not even saying that you can’t change your RSVP or say “maybe.”  I’m simply saying that when an RSVP is explicitly requested, not doing so is rude.  And as someone who plans a fair share of events, I’ll be the first to tell you: next time your host has to prune a list, rude people will be the first to go.

*Steps off soapbox*

Johanna